Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wish my penis had an off switch
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
