Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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