your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
