drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
