You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
