it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
jump out the window naked night went bad
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