I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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