I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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