My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
