i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
