2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
