....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
