Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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