home. puking in laundry basket.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it's like heaven, but drunker
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
