I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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