You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
