it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
