Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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