In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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