before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Someone signed my nipple.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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