end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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