what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
