Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
