Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
