Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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