im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
