I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
