I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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