My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize