i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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