We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
