I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
