I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
