anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
