Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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