Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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