I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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