on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
