We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
