Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
