Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
party gras won. party gras always wins.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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