can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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