I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you inspire me to be a worse person
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize