every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
