Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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