So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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