Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
