I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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