my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
