i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
