I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
