okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
