Porn is love you can see.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
