Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
