K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
