Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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