Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
