ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
