Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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