Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
