Im at strip club and am horny
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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