this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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