She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
