omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
