My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
