i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
this is an emotional support booty call
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
