they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
