So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I love having hate sex.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
