I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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