I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
