It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
