I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
