Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
