Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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