Your tits are I can't wait for
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
